How to respond to rudeness. Councils of the psychologist. Culture of behavior
Parents teach their children to be polite to other people. The rules of cultural behavior are instilled in children: do not be rude to elders, treat others with respect. But, unfortunately, not all people follow such recommendations. For some, rudeness is the main way to prove to another person that they are right. This situation can be met anywhere: in transport, in a store, at work. Harsh words deeply hurt, and not always immediately figure out what to answer the offender. And the mood for the whole day is ruined. To avoid such situations, you should know how to respond to rudeness.
What are the reasons?
Rudeness is a special desire by an act, in a word to insult the interlocutor or others. However, it is based on irresponsibility and anonymity. If a cad ask his position, place of work, last name, the tone of his conversation will noticeably change.
It is because of impunity that rudeness thrives. Previously, a person encountered unpleasant treatment in a store, at work, in some public places. Today, with an increase in the number of cars and the expansion of social networks, misbehavior is becoming more common.
To know how to respond to rudeness, you should understand what are its causes. So, psychologists believe that rude behavior is characteristic of the following categories of people:
- Persons who have not received enough love in childhood.In this case, the person tries to be noticed by those around him. After all, he is constantly experiencing a lack of attention, love, communication. These are people who were not praised in childhood, did not take the time to communicate with them. After all, every child needs the love and understanding of parents. Not receiving the necessary affection and warmth in the usual, natural way, the kid resorts to rude, terrible behavior. And it is precisely at this time that the parents accomplish what they want - they react to him, they begin to indulge him. Such a method in the minds of a child is formed as the only way to attract attention. Accordingly, in adulthood, the person continues to use it.
- People seeking to assert themselves.This picture is observed if the interlocutor can not adequately answer. In this case, the snapper rises in his own eyes and continues to humiliate the person with even greater force. So he tries to assert himself. Often, this situation develops if a rude person is a boss who has even minimal power, or he is afraid of his interlocutor for certain reasons.
- The state of despair, frustration, fatigue.In such a situation, even a cultured person can fail and get nasty. Of course, apologies will follow. And here it all depends on what the culture of behavior of the interlocutor. The educated person will accept the apology and the conflict will be settled. But if the collision happened with a boor, then he will already be on edge. No apologies here will help.
In addition, the inability to clearly argue their arguments can lead to rudeness. Sometimes you can see the following picture when two people argue. The first provides concrete evidence to support his point of view. The other, being sure that he is right, cannot argue it, but seeks to go to the end of the dispute. Often, in such a situation, without having a good reason, he breaks down and goes on to rudeness.And, as a rule, it is a fiasco. At the same time, in the eyes of others, this person demonstrates how low her culture of behavior is.
Hama on the roads
Any driver knows that there are normal and inappropriate road users on the track. The second category includes those who cut, rebuild from one row to another, demands to immediately skip, signal without a reason, constantly flashing with a distant light or crave to figure out and prove, sometimes even with the help of fists, their rightness.
How to respond to rudeness? And in what language to communicate with road brute? Unfortunately, there is no universal instruction. Because inadequate situations are always unpredictable. However, psychologists recommend that you follow certain rules. Their observance will allow not only to negate rudeness on the roads, but also in some situations to secure life.
Tips for drivers
How to behave in difficult situations? Psychologists make the following recommendations:
- Inattentive driver.Sometimes it happens such a situation that the green light comes on, and all the cars stand because of one participant of the movement.The driver was distracted or thought, and simply did not notice how the traffic lights switched. People who are in a hurry start beeping desperately. This is a simple situation, but it is very annoying. If you find yourself in the role of a “sleeping” driver, then the best thing you can do is to say thank you to those who signaled to you. Being in the role of an impatient driver, try to "wake up" softer. For example, blink the main beam. Thus, the fight against rudeness should begin with you. Stay on the road always adequate.
- Save time.Not only nerves, but also precious hours are spent on trial with a rude person. Two drivers who are not inferior to each other on a narrow road, very much resemble sheep from a children's fairy tale. If you do not like this comparison, give way to your opponent. At the same time, reassure yourself that, unlike him, go backwards perfectly. In addition, sincerely smile boor, and good mood you will be provided for the whole day.
- Uncontrollable situation.If you didn’t manage to avoid an inadequate driver, know that you will not find a common language with him.Therefore, it is best to carefully prepare. Close the windows and doors, turn on the DVR or mobile phone in the car. So you can fix the wrongful actions committed in your address. Do not try to explain anything to a brazen driver on your own. It is very easy to break off and use improvised means, fists. But then it is difficult to prove that you acted within the framework of self-defense. It is best to try to attract the attention of others by a beep or emergency signal. You can call for help the police or loved ones.
- Stress relief.After meeting with an inadequate driver, there is always an unpleasant feeling in the soul. Psychologists recommend calling relatives and telling about what happened to you. Just complain. Having received the support and understanding of a loved one, you will quickly get rid of the negative and will be able to calmly continue the movement.
- Necessary rest.Sometimes you yourself may feel irritated at the sight of other road users. If everyone around is perceived as racers or drivers who cannot drive, you need to take a break. In such a situation, it is very important to follow these tips from a psychologist. Get out of the car to fresh air. Do 10 squats.If such a discharge did not help, then do another ten exercises.
Rudeness at work
Unfortunately, today it is not uncommon. Rudeness at work on the part of the chief is very common. The “victim” often tries to ignore the rude remarks of the leadership. After all, to make a remark to a higher colleague without negative consequences for yourself is not always possible.
Of course, you can not constantly ignore the unpleasant statements. However, how to stop the rudeness of the chief? In certain situations, if the behavior of the management or statements fall outside the norms of permissible (the framework established by law), such persons may be brought to court.
But often rudeness leadership manifests itself in constant disregard. In communication, heightened tones are used, derogatory intonation is applied. Sometimes a subordinate feels a scornful attitude. In such situations, it will not be possible to bring a person to legal responsibility. Here it is better to apply the recommendations of psychologists.
Rudeness or constructive criticism?
But before you use the advice of a psychologist, you should carefully understand the situation.Some people, as a result of their emotional anxiety, may perceive criticism as rudeness. In this case, they lose very valuable and important information about themselves.
How to distinguish rudeness and insult from constructive criticism? The answer is very simple. Rudeness is aimed at the destruction of psychological integrity and hinders further development. Criticism allows you to recover personality. She motivates to improve.
How to behave at work?
If boorish treatment of subordinates is the style of leadership, then it is best to treat him philosophically. After all, it just trains your exposure.
In such situations, the following psychologist's advice will help you:
- Answer the manual mechanically: "I will do everything", "you are right."
- You can honestly admit that you are lost from screaming. The main thing is not to go to the catty tone. Otherwise, the boss will think that you are making fun of him.
- Tell the chief that you value his opinion. Therefore, you want to understand why he is angry, and discuss it in a relaxed atmosphere. This behavior simply disarms the boors.
Many people are trying to resist the rude.At the same time they make mistakes that even more cause rudeness, rudeness of the head in response. Consider them:
- Justification. This behavior resembles a child. Besides, justification is an admission of guilt. Moreover, quite humiliated. Such a situation will only provoke guidance. Remember: excuses are completely unnecessary to anyone, they don’t want to hear them and they don’t wait.
- Rudeness in response. It is very easy to get involved in a scandal. In this case, the boss will receive even more than expected. The only exception may be a snide replica of the wit.
- Silence. It is often perceived as dismissive disregard. This behavior causes even more aggression. Be sure to answer. At the same time keep a cold, polite tone. Answer a few words. And then you can shut up.
- Interrupting the bosses.Be sure to let your boss speak out. And just wait for a pause, answer.
Rudeness in the shop
Very often, rudeness comes from incompetent strangers. In this way they try to emphasize their importance and raise their status. Absolutely should not be taken seriously. And even more worried about this.
Of course, it is very difficult to hold back if you hear public insults in the store. The rudeness of sellers puts in an unpleasant position.
Recommendations of psychologists
So, if you are faced with rudeness in the store, how to react to rudeness? Psychological advice allows you to adequately get out of the situation:
- Universal phrases.Hearing rudeness from the seller, it is necessary to respond to it, citing facts that cannot be challenged. Use common phrases: “People are different. They live differently. They are interested in a variety of things. Different events cause different reactions. ” A great example illustrating how to use such phrases is the following. The boorishness of the seller: "Why are you poking tomatoes with dirty fingers?". Answer: "Different people check the ripeness of tomatoes in different ways."
- Refer to the parent bodies.If the seller begins to brazenly rude to you, it is regarded as an encroachment on your rights. It is absolutely useless to answer him the same. This is a waste of energy and strength. But how to protect yourself from rudeness? It is better to check with the manager who is the leader, and contact him with a complaint. You can not leave rudeness unpunished.You can request a complaint book and describe the situation in it.
Some more tips
Simple recommendations of psychologists will allow you to understand how to resist rudeness in various situations:
- Try not to allow the rude to take control over the situation. No matter what your opponent’s status is, you have the right to demand respect for yourself. Make it clear to the insolent.
- How to react to rudeness, if a rude man is so passionate about his game that he completely loses control? In this case, put it in place. Try to temper the ardor of this person. Do not accumulate negative emotions. Otherwise, you will throw them out at home with loved ones. In addition, many rude people completely believe in impunity. Try to dispel this myth. However, do not cross the line of permissible, do not lose control. Otherwise, you drop to the level of a rude person. Your "performance" should not be indicative. Do not swing your arms or shout loudly.
- Do not take all negative phrases into your account. Just sympathize with the rude. Such a person is dissatisfied with life.Therefore deserves pity. A person, descending to rudeness, has a weak character. Therefore, is it possible to take seriously her insults? Fully ignore all the negative that sounded in your address.
- Answer rudeness with humor. Try to make fun of the man’s attempts to offend or humiliate you. You can even smile in response to arrogance. By this you will let the rude person understand that his remarks are indifferent to you. Your catty smile will provoke a storm of indignation. Just laugh at such a person. He will understand that he was defeated and did not provoke a negative reaction from you. You can “finish off” your opponent with such phrases: “Something hurt you?”, “Why are you so nervous?”. Try to keep the last word behind you.
- Show pity. Barker is fueled by the power of conflict Therefore, a polite, intelligent and perfectly adequate person, upon hearing rudeness, will not respond in the same way. He will ignore such an appeal. A great way to stifle a negative is to regret such a person. Do not forget that often such people in their childhood from their parents did not receive proper upbringing and care.They are usually unsuccessful in life. They do not like the opposite sex. They deserve compassion. Therefore, your non-standard attitude to the situation will completely destroy the energy vampire’s plans to “feed on” feelings and nerves.
- Turn on your fantasy. If a rude man is telling your face everything he thinks, try to imagine that this person is behind the glass. You do not hear what he says. This technique is quite an amusing tactic. After all, you see how rude moves his lips, waving his hands, but do not catch a single word.
- Talk to the man. Sometimes there is such a situation when it is impossible to ignore, let alone ridicule, ridicule. This applies to communication with family, friends, acquaintances, colleagues. In such cases, it is better to speak frankly with the person. Try to find out what happened to him today, as his health. You will understand what provoked this behavior. In addition, let the rude man look at himself and rethink unworthy communication.
- Tune in to the positive. Rudeness is the lot of people with a negative worldview.So try to control your thoughts. Do not attract disrespect to yourself.
And most importantly: be sure of yourself! Only such a model of behavior makes it possible to beautifully get out of any situation, while fully preserving one’s own dignity and not feeling like a victim.