How to raise a successful child
All moms want their children to be successful.
What kind of model of upbringing to choose, so that the baby grows confident? To understand this question will help us.psychologist Anastasia Ponomarenko.
My three year old goddaughter is tryingby myselfopen a bag of kefir. Puffs, blushes, but does not ask for help. Of course, the chairs and the table are spattered with kefir drops, fingers sticky, there are white spots on the dress. Finally - Hurray, Bamz! - the bag is opened, and with a noise falls to the floor. Fell well, spilled only half. Her mother, smiling, quickly wiped the kefir pools, poured the remaining kefir into the cup, praised her daughter: “Well done, you yourself opened the package today! And next time you make it even better. ”
Having settled with kefir, the little girl ran away to play in full confidence that she is clever, everything works out for her, the initiative is encouraged, independence is great, and in general: life is good!
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Unfortunately,such stories are rare. Most often, parents, when trying to children at 3 years to do something on their own, say: "Give me this, I will do it better. Look, I'll have to redo it. You are stupid ... ".
“Why rework? Why a clumsy? ”- the child sincerely does not understand this.
Feature of the age of three years - the formation of the installation "I can do everything myself, I'm already an adult". You, probably, noticed that at this age the child needs the same items that are actively used by adults: father’s hammer, mother’s caps for canning. It is at the age of three years, through the game, helping to preserve cucumbers or sweep the floor, a small person lays the future of their own behavior, communication skills.
And what promise does a child receive if he is not allowed to exercise independence? If adults are demonstratively redoing what he himself has done with such difficulty, moreover, and blame him for it? Baby understands thatif she does something herself, then mom can get angry.
For the child, angry parents are a ruin of the world, and he will sit quietly, out of a sense of self-preservation, afraid to show initiative. And a reflex is formed in the head: do not hang out, then you will be loved and respected. Do not take the initiative, and everything will be fine!
Than such installation can turn outfurther? The person will try to get a comfortable, but poorly paid job - just for security reasons. To any responsibility, and hence the probability of punishment is minimal. Will be afraid of career growth, new projects. Such an employee will never take the initiative, will not take risks. At any negotiations, he will lose, since the children's installation “sit quietly and be happy with you” will not allow him to defend his interests.
The most interesting thing is that such a person can have an excellent education, he can know several foreign languages and be a very competent specialist. But"Cream" will remove the other- Chief, more active colleagues. All his wonderful ideas will be given out for their other people who are not afraid to not like. And even in a large company, you can sit as the fifth manager for the sixth battery for the whole life.
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In the meantime, you will grow old, and the amount of the approaching pension will frighten you more and more. Of course, you gave your child an excellent education, realizing that«children are our future retirement fund». And it would be time for him to start earning as much as he and you had enough. But for some reason he does not make a career, and his salary is the same as after the institute.
You have already forgotten what the stained chairs looked like; don’t remember the color of the carpet that was smeared with spilled kefir, the plates that the child broke when he washed the dishes flew out of the head. Rather, he tried to wash, and you sent him out of the kitchen with the words: "go, I myself, otherwise you will kill everything."You forgot, but his subconscious - no. As they say, get-sign.
The conclusion is very simple: encourage the independence of your child, especially at the age of 3 years. Let him do as much as he can do himself. Praise for the initiative, cheer if something did not work out. Your help should be sufficient, but never excessive.Be patient.Yes, you will be going for a walk longer, because he himself ties the shoelaces, and he does it for a long time. But the game is worth the candle.
And, for God's sake, do not pay attention to broken cups and soiled furniture. If your child grows up active and independent, he will buy you a new one, better still the same. I sincerely wish you this.